TheNutter

I write this post mainly as an appeal to anyone out there who may be on the verge of breaking up with his or her significant other. My request is simple: take it seriously. While you are all wrapped up in your rationalizations over why this is the right thing to do etc etc, take a moment to recognize that getting your rationalizations lined up properly is not really important to anyone (even to you), your gut more than likely made the decision already and your brain is just trying to make you feel better about it. Well, let me tell you, there is only one thing you can do to make yourself feel better and that is to initiate and handle the upcoming destructive event with some class and compassion.

You see, if you don’t, if you take the cowards way out and think only of your own convenience, you really have no idea of the potential damage you will more than likely cause. I’ve been dumped twice and neither was handled well at all. The first time it took six years before I really began to heal and could trust again. The second, much more recent, time was far worse. She exhibited behaviour beyond normal human cowardice and frankly never actually broke it off at all, she just vanished and sent word through proxies that she was with another. The result for me is that I wake up every single morning replaying an event in my head that never happened. Because it never actually happened, my mind gets free reign to re-imagine the event each time. There is no beginning or end, there is only constant shouting in my head. If I was replaying a real event, the event would be roughly the same on each play through, and eventually my mind would get bored of it, having picked over the bones and examined every angle I would eventually emerge with a single account of what happened and be able to integrate that into the story of my life. Instead I am stuck in an endless loop of “what ifs” and “maybe whys.” Rather than doing the work of accepting this radical change, I am cast adrift in a constant twilight of vertigo and rage.

I assume that some day I will emerge from this state and be able to get along with my life, but I also know deep down that that is really just a crapshoot. The reality is that I may never emerge, and that even if I do, I will do so as someone else, perhaps even as someone that I don’t like very much. So far I have managed to keep the shouting enclosed neatly within my skull, but I know I can’t keep that up forever and with time it will begin to spill out into the world, thereby changing who I am and further spreading this damage around. By giving in to her cowardice my ex planted a seed of negativity with boundless potential for growth.

Which returns me to my original point: Every breakup causes some wounds, but if you take care when inflicting those wounds you can contribute a great deal to ensuring that they can eventually heal. This is not a complicated exercise really; it just takes exhibiting a little backbone and actually being there for the breakup. It may be one of the most important things you ever do. Yes you will have to endure some tears and even some shouting, but let me tell you it is nothing compared to all this shouting in my head.

If you won’t do it for them (or for me), do it for yourself… cuz Karma’s a bitch man and she will get you in the end.